Asperger Kids and Manipulation

From LoveToKnow Autism

Asperger kids and manipulation can go hand in hand, in some situations. Although most parents like to believe their child is innocent and giving, it is common for some children with Aspergers to be self centered and in some cases manipulative to get what they want.

Asperger Kids and Manipulation Explained

It is important to note that all people manipulate others in some way. While this may seem like a character flaw, people use manipulation because it works. In fact, parents and teachers use manipulation to change behaviors in children on a daily basis. Manipulative behaviors can be a positive sign that the child is learning how to navigate the social world.

At the same time, in some cases, manipulation is misunderstood or confused with frustration. Is a child with autism screaming because she is in pain or because she wants to do something? Misunderstanding manipulation and frustrations is easy to do with Asperger or other autistic children.

Types of Manipulation Seen in Autistic Children

Specifically in children with Asperger syndrome, manipulation is commonly used by the child to get what they want or need. Every instance of manipulation leads to an underlying legitimate request by the child. Yet, it is important to see that manipulation can also lead to behavior that is aggressive or otherwise extreme. Various forms of manipulation can be seen in children.

  • Temper Tantrums: The standard temper tantrum is an example of a type of manipulation found in children with Asperger syndrome. In this situation, the child makes a request calmly. It may be unreasonable. When the child does not get his or her way, they may meet this negative response with yelling, destroying things, banging, stomping and even rolling on the floor. Parents who are struggling with children using temper tantrums learn to ignore them completely, except where the child may be injured.
  • Confusion Promotion: To manipulate the parent, the child brings up topics that are related, but not important for the discussion. In this form of manipulation, the goal is to confuse the parent to get what they want in a roundabout manner. Parents often learn to ask direct questions to reduce the confusion level and not to give in to frustration over being confused.
  • Playing People Against Each Other: Asperger children are very smart and this leads to more complex forms of manipulation, such as playing people against each other. This situation may result in confusion and frustration. The child may end up with what they want simply because of the lack of understanding in the group. This type of situation often happens between siblings or within a group home setting.

Getting Help for Manipulation

Parents and caregivers end up frustrated when it comes to Asperger kids and manipulation. You may be unsure of how to stop the poor behavior and get back to having a truthful and open relationship. Solutions often require patience and the ability to see what the underlying, unmet need is.

Asperger Syndrome Kids
  • In manipulation, parents and teacher may end up feeling powerless. In this situation, overcompensation may occur. A parent may become more controlling, for example, which pushes the manipulation farther. When you spot that powerless feeling, stop and assess the underlying circumstances first.
  • Create an open environment as much as possible. Encourage your child to state what they want as directly as possible. Some Asperger children may not be able to communicate effectively.
  • Simply detach from the power struggle. Stop the process. If it continues, the manipulation will worsen, effectively causing the parent to become more controlling. This ends up leading to punishment.
  • Disengage from the behavior occurring, but not the person. If you feel powerless or unable to manage the situation, direct the person to someone else.
  • Remember that the need is not the problem. The problem is the poor behavior and that should be the issue dealt with by the parent.

For parents in intense situations where manipulation is occurring readily, it may be helpful to find an Asperger parent's support group, either online or locally. Meet with the group and learn strategies for tackling your child's particular needs. Some Asperger specialists can also offer information and guidance on handling specific situations..

Retrieved from "http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Asperger_Kids_and_Manipulation"

 


Comments

It is a frustrating situation, and Atwood is a great choice for reference. The good thing is that the signs show that you have an extremely intelligent child. It can be difficult to discern which is manipulation and which is AS, especially since focus, attention, and language processing all come into play.

The problem may be in the limbic system, the part of the brain that can involve the following:

  • Emotional responses
  • Aggression/passivity
  • Memory (may explain the problems with learning about consequences for behaviors)

A nice resource on the subject is Autism and the Limbic System. This doesn't excuse the behavior. It just gives a fresh perspective on how the AS mind may work.

Repetition and consistency is critical. Each consequence has to be the same as the last, and as immediate as possible. Gradually, the brain creates the connection.

-- Contributed by: Ella Rain

We are a family of 3. We had a diagnosis established in 5th grade. He is now in 8th grade, and home life can be VERY frustrating. The father is suspected to have contributed to the son's AS. We have tried everything (I do mean literally everything) with some things that work and others don't. Consequenses have no meaning, and in the rare times that non confrontation works there are 100 more times it does not. We recognize the need for a better plan, but so far have not found the "magic" button. We have full professional support both for the parents and additionally for student. We are reading books from Tony Atwood, and we consult from time to time with Dr. Solomon (Ann Arbor, MI) as funding allows. We need a real solution, and more specifically we are looking for the hardline bottom dollar method, that is a fallback guaranteed. We are having difficulty working to separate the AS from child. How to encourage the child and work with the AS too. Mother is convinced he is a master manipulator, and father tried everything possible to talk instead of yelling ... resulting in the child "not hearing what was said mid conversation" or diverting to "huh?" or while waiting a response to give time to think the child replies ? about ? and why are we upset again? thus prompting a refresher that results in a total physical disconnect. Child is not malicious, but does the "play deaf/dumb/tired/spaced out game well" Help

-- Contributed by: rtrm01

Comment on Asperger Kids and Manipulation



(Displayed with your comment)                        (Will not be displayed)
Verification Code:   
    

Autism Categories
LoveToKnow Tools
More Articles